i am not a gd lover. i dun noe how to be one.


C&P MARCH GATHERING AT QX'S HSE! BBQ~~~~


actually i was v happy today. but somehow smth juz spoiled my happy mood.
freaking shit.
its gonna be an emo post. dun read. really. it might juz spoil ur day.



bbq was great. but i juz wasnt full enough.
the atmosphere was somehow different from east coast.
i somehow missed my 18th bday'ss overnite countdown bbq party.
if i can ever turn back time, i wanna go back to when i was sec sch. 15 or 16 yrs old.
but wats e point of saying all these now? time can nv go backwards.
things r so different now. ppl change, and everyone is not e same anymore.
still v gd frenz, but somehow those sec sch feelings haf all gone u know?
anyw, back to e topic. today's bbq at qx's place.


we crapped and haf small talks at e table. den we played crocodile at e playground.
but we didnt get to play v long before e security guard came to stop us.
she said we were making too much of a din and said playgrounds r for children, and we're overage. stupid shit.
i miss crocodile. =(
den we had our truth or dare session back at qx's living room.
e qns were sexual. and e dares.... hilarious.
munyeng had to kiss ch. raf had to tongue alvin's nose. and i had to bite wj's ears.
we went back after tat.
wj and wx escorted me home.


if only time can stop, i wan it to stop now. rite now, when i'm in front of e com, and dun resume again.
sometimes i feel v confused over certain desicions i made, wondering if i've made e rite chioce or e wrong one.
u know, its v funny. u'll always think u've made e correct choice until one day, smth happened, den it struck u tat u've actually made e wrong choice.
so its nice to haf gd frenz ard, to remind u if its e rite choice u've made.
but smtimes, even gd frenz can be blind to e minor things tat r bothering u.
i've watched so much tv series, and all of them mentioned abt wat listen to ur heart thingy.
wat crap is tat? pls teach me coz isnt e brain who does all e thinking?


haf u ever wonder wat wil happen after u die?
like, where do u go after tat?
is there really such places such as heaven or hell?
or do u juz slp forever, oblivious of watever is happening, and nv wake again.
or do u really become a ghost?
why do ppl wanna commit suicide?
why do they think tat death is e easier way out?
to tell e truth, i am afraid of death. i dun like e feeling of leaving tis world bcoz i'm afraid of wats gonna happen after death.
but sometimes living in tis world makes me afraid too.
i'm not a genius. i'm not smart. i'm not rich. i'm not pretty. i'm not capable. i dun see wats my purpose here.
i admit i haf ever thot of escaping from reality by dying, but e thot of dying scares me too.
why cant life be easier?


sometimes, when i thot i'm enjoying smth, in e end, it turns out tat i'm actually not.
i haf many regrets in life. but i always tell ppl i haf no regrets bcoz wats over is over.
u cant cry over spilled milk.
but sometimes late at nite when i'm alone in my room, i cant help but think abt it.


to tell e truth, i think i'm not a v nice person. (though i always say tat i'm nice)
i'm bad tempered. i flare up v easily. its juz tat i dun wanna show out my temper to others.
but in fact, i'm v petty and sensitive.
but no matter wat, i'm juz a girl. i'm emotional and i get hurt darn easily.
i'm weak bcoz i tear v easily. i dun like defeats and i tend to give up easily.
i hold grudges. and i'm evil.
i'm e worst person u can imagine.
stay away from me.


and to all who tolerated my nonsense, thank u.

Labels: moody